Script: S1E2 Devil With a Blue Dress On
SCENE 1 “Devil With a Blue Dress” by Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels; during the song, we see CORKY getting dressed for work, putting on a blue dress and pale brown high heels ♪ Hey, hey~ alright! Jump up! Get it! Hey! ♪ ♪ Devil with a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress ♪ ♪ Devil with a blue dress on ♪ ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ ♪ Devil with a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress ♪ ♪ Devil with a blue dress on ♪ ♪ Fee-fee fi-fi fo-fo fum ♪ ♪ Looking mighty nice, here she comes ♪ ♪ Wearing a wig, hat and shades to match ♪ ♪ Got her high-heel shoes and an alligator hat ♪ ♪ Wearing her pearls and her diamond ring ♪ ♪ Got bracelets on her fingers and everything ♪ ♪ Devil with a blue dress, blue dress on ♪ ♪ She’s a devil with a blue dress on ♪ ♪ Lord, have mercy! ♪ ♪ Devil with a blue dress, blue dress on ♪ [The main office elevator opens to reveal MURPHY while CORKY walks by; they’re wearing the same exact dress. MURPHY quickly presses the close door button, but CORKY opens the elevator back up.] CORKY: 1EEEEK! Isn’t this a HOOT!? Can you BELIEVE IT!? MURPHY: 2Corky, you remember that memo I sent out last week, the one about how no one should talk to me in the morning until after 3 o’clock? CORKY: 3Oh~, Murphy, you’re such a kidder! What a HOOT!!! goes to meet her new secretary at her desk SECRETARY #4: 4Miss Brown, hi! I’m your new secretary, Megan Reynolds. 5I was just going over your calendar for the day, and updating your phone log, and I watered your plant! MURPHY: 6Well, uh, nice to meet you! 7Uh, I’ll need phone numbers for these people, and if you could xerox this letter- six copies- and if you could type up the notes from the file-''' ''#4 becomes enamored while seeing Corky walk by'' 'SECRETARY #4: 8Oh, wow, it’s really her! She looks just like on TV! 9You gotta introduce me! ' ''walks by and SECRETARY #4 takes the plunge, catches CORKY’s attention and extends her hand to her'' '''SECRETARY #4: 10Hi! I-I’m Megan Reynolds! I never miss your show, ever! 11What a great dress! looks down at her identical dress, offended slightly CORKY: 12Well! Aren’t you sweet? MURPHY: 13I’ll need that letter by noon! SECRETARY #4: 14Uh-huh… 15Can I have your autograph? CORKY: 16Ahaha, sure! walks away to the round table, where FRANK is standing nearby holding a football FRANK: 17Phew, that was close, I almost wore my blue dress today! MURPHY: 18Yeah, how come I didn’t get to do the football story? FRANK: 19Well, because it was my idea and because you throw like a girl! MURPHY: 20Bull! Bobby, go deep! throws the football to BOBBY, who went deep as requested FRANK: 21Alright! walks in and gets upset JIM: 22Hey now, hey now~! This isn’t a playground, someone could get hurt! FRANK: 23Fontana spots Dial streaking downfield, they’re blitzing! He’s all the way in the end zone! throws the football to JIM SCENE 2 entire office cheers as JIM catches the football and spikes it, and hits MILES in the foot with it as he exits the elevator MILES: 1Ow! 2Thank you! Let’s all gather around the table, we got a lot to cover at this meeting! MURPHY: 3Hate to break it to you, Frank, but this isn’t the Redskins’ year! FRANK: 4Not our year!? I’m wounded! MILES: 5So, let’s take our seats… JIM: 6Face it Frank, it’s too hard to repeat, unintelligible chance. Besides, their linebackers stink. MILES: 7Get started with the meeting... MURPHY: 8No running game! JIM: 9At all! FRANK: 10Criticize, criticize! 11Is this what you call a meeting, Miles? C’mon, let’s get going! sits down at the round table, except MILES MILES: 12Thank you! 13First! Now, this isn’t on the agenda but I can see the question coming from here. I’ll have to say no to the dress alike thing. 14Now, right. Big Jim! Big Jim~. There’s an idea we’ve been kicking around at the network. It’s kind of an upper management thought, heh… 15The point being that maybe you, when you’re on the air, you could possibly be a little… warmer… JIM: 16Warmer? MILES: 17Right. Y’know, Dan Rather tried it, he’s getting beat up a lot less lately! Hahahaha! 18What I thought is that, perhaps you could actually smile during a broadcast. 19Just once- give it a shot, see how it feels. walks away angrily and devolves into a mumbling mess JIM: 20Well, it’s an absolutely… MILES: 21I’m sorry? JIM: 22I said I’ll do my best. approaches FRANK MILES: 23Great. 24Frank, your segment on the Redskins; three weeks sounds like plenty of time to have researched the story. FRANK: 25Well, c’mon, Miles, I need more time! The piece isn’t complete! MURPHY: 26Yeah, he didn’t get to the cheerleader interviews yet! FRANK: 27Exactly! MILES: 28It airs this week, Frank. MURPHY: 29So, enough small talk. Months of badgering and cajoling have paid off- the boy wonder of the corporate world has finally agreed to let me do a profile on him! MILES: 30Edward Moorehouse!!! friends simultaneously congratulate her FRANK: 31Way to go, Murphy, he doesn’t let the press near him! How’d you do it? MURPHY: 32My usual MO, I just kept at him, always there, sticking like a wad of gum to the bottom of his shoe. He just finally decided it was easier to give in. MILES: 33Murphy, is there any chance you could have this piece ready for next week’s show? MURPHY: 34Yeah, sure- if I had a clone! I’ve got interviews with his family, his friends, his lawyers, his accountants- I’m going to be following him night and day. 35In fact, what am I doing here? Class dismissed? MILES: 36Just one minute! I’m getting an idea here. Murphy, follow me on this. 37What if I put Corky to work on the story with you? Help out with the research! squeals in disbelief MURPHY: 38Miles, could I see you in my office? MILES: 39No. hangs his head in equal parts fear and shame MURPHY: 40But I have something to show you! MILES: 41What? MURPHY: 42It’s a surprise! MILES: 43No, thank you. MURPHY: 44Do you want me to surprise you out here? SCENE 3 relents and follows MURPHY into her office MURPHY: 1I won’t do it, Miles. I will NOT work with her on my story! 2I was an only child, I never learned to share. MILES: 3You said it yourself- this is a big story, it’s gonna take too much of your time. spins around in her swivel chair MURPHY: 4I exaggerated! I do that sometimes. I ''hate ''myself for it. MILES: 5Murphy, we both know she needs seasoning as a reporter. We can’t have her asking the Secretary of State where he learned shorthand anymore! 6Besides, she’s got the time to work with you this week! She’s already finished her piece on health spas for pets. MURPHY: 7Miles, let me ask you a question. If I say no to this, are you gonna keep coming at me acting like a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe and, generally making my life miserable until I give in? MILES: 8I learned from the best! MURPHY: 9Send her in here. MILES: 10CORKY! opens the door but CORKY is already standing there in anticipation MURPHY: 11Well, I guess we’re a team… CORKY: 12Ohhh, Murphy~!!! ''' ''hugs MURPHY, who’s not exactly enjoying it'' '''CORKY: 13I never thought anything could top being Miss America, and this doesn’t! But it comes really, really close! 14Thanks so much! Ohhhhh~! runs out of the room after hugging a despondent MILES MURPHY: 15I wanna be fair, Miles. You’ve got legs like a dachshund so I’ll give you a head start. shuts the door and quickly escapes SCENE 4 main office; JIM is trying to smile but looks more like he had dental work done earlier that day. MURPHY’s secretary ignores a buzzing noise while looking intensely at a letter she’s holding. MURPHY: 1I know it works, I can hear it from my office. SECRETARY #4: 2Now I’ve lost my entire train of thought… MURPHY: 3Oh, you’re answering fanmail? Looks like a lot this week! SECRETARY #4: 4Tons! MURPHY: 5These are all addressed to Corky… SECRETARY #4: 6Yeah… Her secretary couldn’t keep up so I said I’d help out! MURPHY: 7Hi, Jim! JIM: 8Hi. tries to smile again, but it just isn’t working for him MURPHY: 9What’s wrong with your face? JIM: 10Muscle spasm. MURPHY: 11Can’t you take something for-? suddenly realizes what he’s trying to do, and touches his arm gently MURPHY: 12Looks really nice. JIM: 13Thanks. walks in FRANK: 14Hi! JIM: 15Hi! trying to smile again FRANK: 16You just get back from the dentist? JIM: 17Yes. looks at his reflection in a spoon, sees his “smile," and groans, throwing it down. He walks away, discouraged FRANK: 18Well, I told the team we’d only have 3 more days together. Don’t fool yourself, offensive tackles can get pretty emotional. MURPHY: 19Frank, I know you’re awfully disappointed about the way this is working out, you wanna talk about it, or better yet- how ‘bout we forget all about work and go to a movie? Where’s the paper? 20There’s some new movie about people or something, I’d like to see that! FRANK: 21You’re having trouble with your story? MURPHY: 22Major! FRANK: 23What’s the problem~? MURPHY: 24Edward Moorehouse. A 34 year old man turns around 6 corporations in 2 years, and he doesn’t say one revealing thing. 25I ask him a personal question, he changes the subject. On top of that, everybody around him sounds like they’re reading from a press release! 26What kind of story am I doing? FRANK: 27I dunno, Murph, what can I do to make you feel better? 28You’ve heard all my usual pep talks, I’m fresh out of funny faces, and I left my saxophone at home! 29I’ll tell you what, here’s a dollar, buy yourself something nice. takes a crumpled up dollar out of his pocket and shoves it in MURPHY’s hand passes the secretary desk and stops to talk to her MURPHY: 30Corky signs her name with a happy face in the “O," and take everything of yours out of this desk, put it in your car, and drive away. SCENE 5 enters her office, and MILES enters seconds later MILES: 1Hello, Murphy. MURPHY: 2Miles, what’s wrong? You look worse than a dead guy! MILES: 3You know, I knew you were upset when I assigned Corky to work with you, but I never expected you to sink to such a childish level… MURPHY: 4I’m a busy woman, Miles, what’s your point? MILES: 5Between midnight and 5 AM last night, someone had 14 pizzas delivered to my house! That’s a pizza every 22 minutes! Only it wasn’t regular so I could plan for it! Like the 48 minutes between #11 and #12! MURPHY: 6God, Miles, that’s terrible! Who would do such a thing? leaves her office but MILES follows her MILES: 7You know, at a certain point, I stopped tipping them. That’s on your conscience! exits the elevator looking abnormally disheveled CORKY: 8Unintelligible, nobody panic! I’m alright! MILES: 9What happened?! CORKY: 10Murphy? I did whatcha said! 11I spent the day at the mechanics where Moorehouse got his car worked on. They only had one toilet, and it didn’t have a seat… MURPHY: 12Corky, sometimes these leads just don’t work out! CORKY: 13…and I couldn’t find a thing in his garbage! I only got through 6 bags before that truck came! 14I never thought somebody that rich could eat so many Hungry Man dinners! MURPHY: 15Y’know, Corky, I think we’d all understand if you decided you didn’t wanna work on this story anymore. 16No one’s gonna scorn you if you move on to something else. Are you gonna scorn her if she moves on to something else? consensus in the room is “no," they won't scorn her CORKY: 17Move on?! Give up?! Hah! Not in a million years~! 18I’ve discovered something today- you’re not a real journalist unless you’ve got some dirt and… a little salisbury steak under your fingernails! JIM: 19Is that a noodle on your skirt? CORKY: 20You’re damn right it is! I’m going to keep this skirt forever! walks away with the little dignity she has left walks past MURPHY and gloats MILES: 21Heh, heh, heh! SCENE 6 MURPHY’s townhouse; there’s a ring at the door, and she goes to open it CORKY: 1Oh, good! You’re home! 2I thought I’d bring some food over and we could work here! 3We really should catch up on each other’s notes. MURPHY: 4Y’know, Corky, the truth is I just found out I’m dying and I’d like to be alone. CORKY: 5Well, then it’s a good thing I came over here, because someone sounds a little down in the dumps~! 6Y’know, when I was in the Miss America pageant, we paired up? I can’t tell you how many times it saved one of us to have a partner to say “Come on! Don’t give up! Just one more hot roller!” sniffs at the fried chicken she brought in a styrofoam container CORKY: 7Mmmm, doesn’t this smell good? opens it up, and MURPHY gravitates towards the chicken, then takes a seat on the chair next to CORKY MURPHY: 8Actually, it does… CORKY: 9Y’know, Murphy, I have to tell you… This has been the greatest week for me! 10When I think back on everything I’ve learned, it’s really amazing! 11Y’know, I saw parts of Washington I never thought existed! eating a chicken leg and rolling her eyes CORKY: 12And I really think I’m perfecting my interviewing skills, I-''' '''MURPHY: 13Y’know, Corky? Sometimes it’s nice just to enjoy a meal silently. CORKY: 14But you’ve really inspired the reporter in me! 15I wanna know all about you! Every detail! How you got started, how when other stars fade you always stay at the top… MURPHY: 16Well, I guess a little conversation never killed anybody! CORKY: 17So… How do you do it, Murphy? What’s the secret of your success? puts her legs up on one of ELDIN’s paint cans MURPHY: 18It’s not that complicated, really! 19Never be afraid to take a chance. When you see that brass ring, go for it, and never let anything get in your way. CORKY: 20That’s it… What about voice lessons? MURPHY: 21Why don’t we go for our notes? two get up CORKY: 21Great~! See, you’re ready for more work already! 22Now, nothing really came of my phone call to his old Cub Scout troop leader- he’s dead. 23Then I talked to the man in charge of washing his private jet- oh, you’ll love this! Moorehouse sends his plane filled with food and clothes to all the poor people in South America! MURPHY: 24I know. CORKY: 25But he never has to go through customs when he gets back! MURPHY: 26Wait a minute… He flies back from'' South America and ''no one from customs, ''no one at all, ''goes through the plane? CORKY: 27Yes~! I wish I knew somebody at customs like that! 28The last time I came back from Paris, they kept me in customs for over 4 hours! 29And the worst part, is how they touch everything in that way that they have! walks away smirking CORKY: 30Hey, do you think this is something? MURPHY: 31…nah. CORKY: 32Well… Back to the drawing board! Now, I talked to… SCENE 7 FYI gang is at PHIL’s FRANK: 1I’ll tell you what it is, Jim; somebody like Miles is jealous of a natural athlete like me. He gets yelled at by some gym teacher for crying during dodgeball, so now I have to rush my story for tonight’s broadcast! JIM: 2Hi, Phil! tries to smile again PHIL: 3You look like a ferret there, Jim. That the look you’re going for? walks in PATRONS: 4CLOSE THE DOOR! MURPHY: 5Hi, guys! FRANK: 6Oh, so, uh, what was it, Murph, you getting a little worried that my piece on the Redskins is gonna steal the show tonight, so you go and break the biggest story of the year? MURPHY: 7Well, sometimes you get lucky… JIM: 8Luck my foot! Attention to detail, fine job of investigative reporting! MURPHY: 9Hey Miles, are those bags under your eyes? They’re so puffy and dark! MILES: 10I just want you to know how much I enjoyed that polka band underneath my window at 3 o’clock this morning! Big hit with the neighbors, too. “Roll out the Barrel” has been going through my head all day! enters and MURPHY quickly tries to hide by sitting at the bar PATRONS: 11CLOSE THE DOOR! woman next to MURPHY walks away and CORKY takes her spot CORKY: 12Well… Looks like I finally tracked you down, Murphy. MURPHY: 13Well, hi, Corky, I missed you at the office today. CORKY: 14When I realized what you’d done with that piece of crucial information I gave you, I was stunned! There it was, the perfect example of what makes you the best. 15Imagine, Edward Moorehouse using his relief planes to smuggle drugs. 16I missed the brass ring, Murphy! But you saw it. 17I have learned so much from you, and I have so much respect for you~! 18Thank you, for allowing me to have worked by your side. exits PATRONS: 19CLOSE THE DOOR! half-asleep MILES walks towards the door, but MURPHY stops him MURPHY: 20Uh, Miles, don’t go away, okay? MILES: 21Why? What’s next? A fat lady strip-o-gram? MURPHY: 22I-I-I need to have a… personal chat, with somebody. MILES: 23You wanna have a personal chat with me? We never chat personally, together! 24It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’m not usually first choice. MURPHY: 25Miles, could you just accept this, please? MILES: 26Let’s chat. MURPHY: 27What would you say if I told you it was Corky who uncovered the lead about the drug smuggling? MILES: 28Ahaha! …you’re kidding! And you didn’t credit her? You must be feeling pretty guilty. MURPHY: 29I don’t feel guilty, I don’t believe in guilt! MILES: 30So if you don’t believe in guilt, why are you confessing? MURPHY: 31I’m not confessing! I’m personally chatting! I specifically stated that from the beginning. MILES: 32Y’know, Murphy… Sometimes a way of dealing with guilt, is to make it up to the person. MURPHY: 33Miles, do you have any idea what it’s like to do what I do? 34To go for 36 hours without sleep because you were in an editing room trying to make an impossible deadline? 35To travel all the way to Abu Dhabi without knowing whether the Emir is going to feel like talking that day? 36And then half of America writes in to ask where Corky Sherwood buys her lipgloss? I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about anything. MILES: 37Okay. But someday you’ll have to tell me how you do it. exits, PHIL approaches MURPHY and cleans a table PHIL: 38Hey there, Murphy. That was some story you cracked. MURPHY: 39Phil… I just stepped all over somebody like they were a cheap carpet just to enhance my professional standing, and didn’t say a word while they thanked me for doing it. And right now, I feel like dirt. PHIL: 40Aw, c’mon now, Murphy! Don’t be so hard on yourself! 41It’s like I told Nixon when he was feeling a little guilty. “Take it easy, Dick,” I said, “I dunno whatcha done, but whatever it is, it’s not like you’re a crook!” SCENE 8 the FYI set; CORKY is preparing for the broadcast while FRANK stands nearby FRANK: 1I should be used to it. It’s been happening to me my whole life! 2Guys who aren’t jocks hate guys who are. It’s a basic animal thing of feeling threatened. CORKY: 3I’m preparing! walks away; we see MURPHY and MILES talking to JIM, then MURPHY walks away MURPHY: 4Um, Corky? Uh, I was thinking that since you helped break the story that, probably, I should say something like thanks a lot. CORKY: 5Oh~, no~, Murphy! I should thank ''you!'' MURPHY: 6Will you please stop it!? 7Anyway, maybe it would be the right thing to do if you introduced the segment. CORKY: 8You’re kidding! MURPHY: 10I set it up with Miles and the crew and Jim. Um, this will come up on the teleprompter, you do the first part, “Successful tycoon, philanthropist, family man, Latin phrase, Edward Moorehouse, but FYI has discovered there is quite a bit more to this story. Here with the report is Murphy Brown. is just standing there, having trouble breathing and unresponsive MURPHY: 11Corky. CORKY: 12Thank you! STAGEHAND: 13Alright, places everybody! Five seconds ’til airtime! In five, four, three… JIM: 14Good evening, and welcome to FYI. coaxes JIM to smile with a hand signal like one might do to a child at a school play, and JIM tries to smile, key word ‘tries.’ MILES gives an unenthusiastic thumbs-up. JIM: 15For your information tonight, Frank Fontana brings us an in-depth look behind the scenes at Redskins football, and Corky Sherwood looks at health spas for your pet. 16But first, here’s Corky to update us on an exclusive FYI investigation. Corky? CORKY: 17Thank you, Jim. Successful tycoon, philanthropist, family man- this is the image of Edward Moorehouse. But FYI has discovered there is quite a bit more to this story. ''' ''keeps reading while MURPHY is about to speak. The crew rushes to focus the cameras on CORKY as she continues to read.'' '''CORKY: 18A private jet from the Moorehouse fleet used to fly relief supplies to South American villages has been on more than a mission of mercy. On the return, the cargo bay was frequently filled with millions of dollars worth of cocaine. 19This operation succeeded for months until I was able to uncover the evidence that eluded the FAA, Federal Drug Administration, and the US Customs Department. 20And you know what a pain customs can be! SCENE 9 cuts to end of FYI broadcast MURPHY: 1…and that’s why you should always investigate thoroughly to find a health spa with veterinarians who are trained in CPR. Back to you, Jim. JIM: 2Thank you, Murphy. Quite helpful. 3This has been another edition of FYI. Goodnight! STAGEHAND: 4And, we’re clear! That’s a wrap, everybody! entire room is dead silent MURPHY: 5Corky, could I talk to you? escapes with their lives, MILES falls down and has trouble getting back up CORKY: 6You’re upset? MURPHY: 7You know, a lot of things went through my head in the last 56 minutes. 8But, the same thought kept coming back to me; you saw your brass ring and you went for it. 9It took a lot of chutzpah! I have to respect a person for that. CORKY: 10Gee, Murphy, I’m so glad you feel that way! MURPHY: 11Heh, I should mention one other thing, however- do anything like this again and you’re dead. CORKY: 12Hehehe! Okay! MURPHY: 13No. Understand this. It’s not just an idle threat or a colorful exaggeration. I know people. It would happen. 14It could be fast, or painful and lingering. Water, cement; without a trace, or well placed bits and pieces. All my choice! CORKY: 15I understand. MURPHY: 16So, whaddya say we put all this behind us? Shake? stands up and shakes hands with MURPHY CORKY: 17Shake! MURPHY: 18Now how ‘bout I meet you and the gang at Phil’s in 10 minutes? You can buy me a burger. CORKY: 19You got it~! leaves begins to dance towards the phone while singing “I Can’t Get Next to You” by Al Green, then dials a number she reads off of a pamphlet ♪ I can turn the gray skies blue ♪ ♪ I can make it rain whenever I want it to ♪ ♪ I can build a castle with a single grain of sand ♪ ♪ I can make a ship sail on- ♪ recipient of the call picks up, and MURPHY begins speaking MURPHY: 20Hello? I was reading your pamphlet, and I was wondering if several of your missionaries could come over to my house and tell me more about my personal salvation. 21Great! My name is Corky Sherwood. S-H-E-R-W-O-O-D… FIN